When sun comes up

When sun comes up flowers wake up to life

When sun comes up birds start singing

When sun comes up world becomes beautiful

When sun comes up people start being nicer

When sun comes up you can’t wait to start your day

When sun comes up day is even better

When sun comes up your problems vanish for a little while

When sun comes up everything looks brighter

When sun comes up I feel like living

When sun comes up I feel like smiling

xoxo

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A lovely day

I slowly feel spring. Weather is getting better, temperature is getting higher, birds start to come back. I can’t wait for those warm days that are very close.

Yesterday was a very nice, beside the cold. Sun was very bright and sky was blue. I liked it. I hope more days like that will come soon.

Today weather is a little bit worse, but it’s ok. As long as there is no rain or snow I can survive it. I know days will be better and better and that soon spring will be here.

I wish I could enjoy this day today. Maybe go to the mall, meet a friend or a cousin, grab a cup of coffee. But unfortunately my new college schedule is very disappointing. I start classes at 10.30am or 1.30pm (I have 10.30am class every two college weekends) and I finish them at 6.30pm. This way all my Sunday will be fucked up. I won’t be able to do anything. I hate it. I prefer to start classes at 8am and finish at 1.30pm or 4pm every two college weekends (as other groups). This way I could enjoy spring Sundays in Warsaw which I like so much.

It’s time to prepare for college, so have a happy day everyone!

xoxo

Have you ever wondered why your life looks as it looks?

Since I was a kid I was thinking about why I am who I am, why I live where I live, why I look how I look, what is the reason of living. I still keep thinking about it once in a while. It really fascinates me.

I feel like my soul was trapped in wrong body. I have bigger dreams than everyone else around me, I want to look different than I look (I’m not talking here about losing weight), I’m a freak about symmetry while I’m not symmetric myself and I have totally different interests. Through my real life I’ve only met one person who shares my passion.

Sometimes I wonder how would my life look like if I was someone else. Would I be who I am now? Would I be this shy? Would I be more confident? More successful? I know nothing will really change, but I just like philosophical thinking.

I believe in soul traveling after death and that we reborn. My religion doesn’t believe in it, but I do. I believe we have already been living years or centuries before. I sometimes think I’ve been a bad person in my previous life and now I’m punished with this life I don’t belong to.

Philosophical thinking is a part of me. I don’t always control it and I sometimes realize I think about life and why life is as it is. I sometimes regret I didn’t choose different path of life and I didn’t study philosophy. But I guess I would have problems with finding a job.

Even if I’m trapped in wrong life I’ll do my best to have a life I’ve always wanted to have.

xoxo

More and more

Sometimes I want to hide

From the whole world.

I want to find a safe place

And stay there.

Everyone just want more and more from me

But no one asks what I want.

I’m tired and powerless

I can’t stand it anymore..

My needs are important too.

My dreams matter too.

My life is valuable too.

I deserve to do be who I want.

I deserve to do what I want.

I can be lost sometimes.

It’s ok.

Don’t push me anymore.

You may lose me.

xoxo

One of those days….

I hate the moment of my life I’m in right now. I have no plan for life and I have no idea what to do. Job hunting made me so depressed that I would gladly hibernate in my bed.

I feel like a loser. I applied for 100+ jobs in a period of like 6 months and I’ve got 0 replies. 0!!!! Seems my appearance is not suitable for any kind of job. I wish I had courage and confidence in myself to go and fight, but I just don’t have it.

For whole high school I knew exactly what I want to do. I wanted to work in tourism and have anything in common with traveling. I thought it will make me happy. But right now I have no idea what I want to do. I don’t know do I still want to work in travel agency or hotel. I don’t know what makes me happy.

The worst thing is that not only I feel like a loser and failure, but my family has a huge need to make me feel like a shit. They don’t care about how I feel. They just can’t wait to get rid of me and stop helping me. I sometimes think they prefer me not to even be born.

Most of you will say I exaggerate, but believe me, I don’t. I’ve never had a support from my family, they have never asked me how I feel. All they care about is stop giving me money. Funny thing, they literally forced me to do masters and now they complain.

I regret I listened to them. If I didn’t start master, right now I would live in Hurghada in Egypt working in a hotel and having a very good salary. Just after I decided to continue studying my friend offered me this job, but stupid me decided to go back to college. And now I’m fucked. No job, no money, no happiness, no life.

I’m sorry for this depressing post, but I just needed to vent.

xoxo

Why I love being a girl

  • I can be mean and blame PMS.
  • I can cry on sad movie and it will be considered ‘cute’.
  • I have boobs. Boobs are good. Everyone loves boobs.
  • I can make myself pretty with few cosmetics.
  • I can get anything I want with puppy eyes and showing off cleavage.
  • I can dress in men’s style.
  • I can call another girl a ‘sexy b*tch’ and I won’t be named a lesbian.
  • I can punch a guy in the face without any big consequences.
  • I can wear heels to look taller.
  • I don’t need to pay on first dates.
  • I leave place at risk in the first place.
  • I can shake my bum to get attention.
  • I can use my period as an excuse to avoid any physical activity.
  • I can stay in bed all week after a break up and I won’t be called crazy.
  • I can say sweet words to my pet in public.
  • I can wear pink… everything.
  • I can cry if I don’t want to do something.
  • I can shave whole body (beside head) and I won’t be called a freak.
  • I can pretend scared on horror movie to be hugged by my date.
  • I can get a free drink at the club fluttering eyelashes.
  • I can get things done for me being sweet and flirty.
  • I can wear a variety of clothes.
  • I have an easier life, because I’m a girl.

xoxo

Starting over

It’s already been a year since she ran away from her house. She remembers this day as if it happened yesterday. It was the worst day of her life. Thinking about it she has tears in her eyes.

It was a sunny and hot day. She finished her night shift at a local bar and she was walking home. She didn’t want to go back. It was a payday and she has got a lot of tips that night, but she knew her father will take everything away from her to buy himself an alcohol. She has been lying to him about how much she earns so she could have kept some money for her needs.

When she reached home she started making breakfast for her father as usual. Since her mother died they only have each other. Even though he is a drunk and spends all her money at alcohol, she can’t leave him. Without her he won’t survive. He is not the best father in the world, but still he is her father.

All of sudden she hears steps behind her. She turns around and sees her father. He is already drunk and he looks really angry. He keeps something in his hand. Oh, no! It’s her box of tampons where she hid her money. She thought he will never look for it there.

-You little slut!- he yelled- You thought I’ll never find these f*ckin money?!

Before she could react he hit her that she fell on the floor. He started hitting her calling the worst words. Fortunately, he was too drunk that after a minute he fainted. She couldn’t take it anymore. He hit her before, but it was too much. She earned this money with her hard work and he has no rights for them.

She quickly washed her face from all the blood and took the money he kept in his hand. She didn’t have a lot of time so she immediately packed her stuff and left house. Before he wakes up and realized she is gone she can reach the capital where he will never find her.

She lived there for almost ten months until she met this guy. She fell in love with him immediately. He promised her a happy life far away from a place where she suffered so much.

Two months later she is in London, exactly a year after she ran from her father. She can’t believe she is that lucky. She left her small town, met a man of her life and moved to an amazing city. Shy smile appears on her face as she looks out the window at night lights of London.

She can’t wait for sunrise to start her new life.

xoxo