Eastmas time

I can’t believe what I see outside a window. Ground is covered in snow and it’s snowing since few hours!

I don’t remember the last time that Easter was cold and white. Usually these few days were kinda warm, even if before or after weather became bad again. But Easter was always warm. Always.

Everyone is talking about global warming, but I don’t see it. I even heard today that spring may disappear soon totally. From winter we will go directly to summer.

And I hate it! Hate it, hate it, hate it!

I love spring. It’s my favorite season. It’s not cold anymore, but also not too hot. It’s lovely warm, birds start singing, flowers start blooming,sun is out most of the time, clouds are beautiful and days are longer.

It’s the best season. I hope it will come soon and that it’s just a temporary mistake of Mother Nature. We have 6 seasons in Poland and now what? We are going to have only 2? Summer and winter? It would totally suck!

Dear spring, please come here! We miss you!


Love is odd

I’m not looking for love, but I happen to wonder what is love’s higher plan. Most of people I know or know of already have found someone they fell in love with. The longer I think about it the more I think I’ve never been in love.

It seems I was only fascinated by them. After we broke up or stopped talking after few days I was ok. I think I was only used to their presence and when they left I just needed to get used to not talking to them anymore.

It made me wonder about what love is planning for each of us. Why all of my friends already found their second half? Why most of people I know already have families? My best friend is already in stable relation, my high school friend recently got engaged and my ex best friend I wrote before on the blog already is married.

I had some boyfriends or crushes I had feelings for, but none of them made me feel like in heaven. There was always something missing between us. Some guys claim they like me a lot and would like me to be their girlfriend. I like some and I’m attracted to them, but I don’t have such deep feelings for any of them that I would like to spend the rest of my life with them.

Am I supposed to be single and ready to mingle forever? Am I too picky? Do I look for something impossible to get? Or maybe my prince charming isn’t ready for me yet?

I hope my second half is somewhere there and will be super duper the best and the hottest man I’ve ever met.


My dream life

In my dream life I would have a loving family. Parents I would love to spend time with, sibilings who would be my best friend. There would be no screams, no physical/mental abuse. House would be full of love, care and support.

In my dream life I would have wonderful friends. Who would accept me the way I am, who would care about me, who would always be there for me. They would know how I really feel without words and they would make me feel safe and loved.

In my dream life I would be confident. I would do exactly I want to do, I would run after my dreams and wouldn’t stop unless I reach them. I would flirt with guys in a club or in cafe. I would always speak my mind and wouldn’t be shy in front of anyone.

In my dream life I would be brave. I would have courage to travel across the world to start a new life. I would save every penny for a plane ticket and I would reach my goal.

In my dream life I would be needed. There would be someone who would like me to exist, who would care if I disappeared. Someone would cry after me, would like to be close to me, would like to help me.

In my dream life I wouldn’t cry. I would be glad about my life, people around me. I would have support in making my dreams come true. I wouldn’t hear complaints in every second.

Can someone take me away from my hell and show me heaven?



Two bad days for one good

Mostly my days are neutral. They are neither good nor bad. Just normal days.

But when I happen to have a good day and good mood, the next two days are bad. I’m sad and feel bad, etc. I never could understand why the hell it happens. And I still don’t understand it. Bad mood comes to me out of blue. One wrong word of my friend and I become bitchy.

I was thinking about it a lot and I still didn’t find any solution. Things that yeah, make me sad or depressed, but I don’t freak over it, through my bad days are like hell. I think like it’s such a terrible thing and that I want to get rid of it as soon as possible. While good days I think about those problems like something I can live with and somehow fix.

I hope soon bad days will leave me alone finally and I’ll only have good days.


Darkness in his eyes

Sometimes things don’t work out.

No matter how much we try to keep them going they just stop.

No matter how much we try pain is too big to hold on to it.

Things break. We have no control over it.


It hurts.

Leaving something important behind is hard.

It takes a piece of us away and we can never get it back.

It leaves a hole in our hearts that can’t be fixed.

It leaves a mark on us.

It changes us.

Sometimes it leaves too many holes and takes too many pieces..

That only darkness stays.

You look into his eyes when you walk away and you see nothing.

You took everything from him.

You have his heart, his soul, his life.

I’m sorry will never be enough.

No matter how many times you say that.


Sweet, sweet love…

You remember the feeling when you fell in love for the first real time in your life?

Butterflies in your belly, rapid heartbeat, smile from ear to ear anytime you see your love, sparks while you hold their hand for the first time and the feeling of being alone in the whole world while they kiss you. You just want to spend your free time with them hanging out or grab a lunch together. You share food and fall asleep in each other’s arms. You sit in the same room while she reads a book and he plays a video game. You just like being close to each other, but still you spend time apart. Your love is that strong that you don’t need to be together all the time. She goes shopping with her girlfriends and he goes for a beer with his boyfriends. Then you come back home and you are just for your love.

Sometimes there comes the moment that they need to stay apart and be with someone else. But the feeling, this first real love, will be in their heart forever as a sweet, sweet memory.