The power of forgiveness

While beginning to write this post I was watching an interview in the morning show with polish-greek singer Eleni. In 1994, almost 20 years ago, she lost her only 17 years old daughter Aphrodite who was murdered by her ex-boyfriend who couldn’t stand their break up.

I was only 4 years old then, but I heard about it when I was big enough to understand it. I think all Poland knows about it.

I was listening to Eleni and I was really impressed by her. Her strenght and serenity is something we should learn from her. I can’t imagine myself to continue my life after losing my only child in such tragic circumstances. I think my life would finish with death of my baby.

She forgave the murderer. She did something most of us can’t imagine to do. I don’t think I could ever forgive person who take away my most precious gift from God. She couldn’t accept the death of her daughter, yet she forgave the killer.

Her parents taught her that we can’t live with negative emotions, that we have to think positive. We can’t repay evil for evil. She says that now she feels peace in her heart and thus it’s easier for her to carry her pain for the rest of her life.

I admire her and people like this. She found strenght to forgive the killer. Someone who killed her daughter. Her faith in God is incredible. She did something what saints do. She forgave the biggest sin.

Many people in such situations live with pain and bitterness for the rest of their lives. They blame themselves and keep thinking how they could change things and save their loved one from such tragic death. They keep living  this day they lost their loved their husband, wife or child.

But there are people like Eleni who shows us the power of forgiveness. We can learn from such people and let God be our guide. Even though it’s hard for her to live and perform she keeps doing it. She knows her daughter is with her. In her heart.



Can you comfort someone in the saddest moment?

Yesterday someone dropped by my blog by searching ‘a letter to my ex about his dead best friend’.

Since I saw it, I’ve been wondering what can you tell someone who lost their friend, family member or anyone else close to their heart? Can you comfort them?

Answering my own question, I will say: No, you can’t.

What could you tell such person?

That everything will be ok? That this person would like us not to be said? That they would like us to keep on living?

Honestly, it’s all bullshit. Whatever we say, they won’t listen.

They need to go through mourning phase. Let them stay alone for a while, let them sit at home hugging dead person’s stuff, let them cry, let them stay in bed all day. If they do it, it means they need it.

In my opinion all you can do for this person is making them know you are there for them. That you are there whenever they need you. All they need to do is say a word.

If their grief takes too long then you can start doing.

Force them to go out or do something with them. But talking won’t help. Nothing you say will make them better.

As they say, time heals. It’s truth. All you can do is just being there.


I killed myself

Around a year ago I died.

My laugh ceased to be heard, my smile slowly left my face, my eyes stopped seeing world around, my ears didn’t hear words anymore…

I stopped breathing.

I was still there, but at the same time I wasn’t. I felt like in a parallel reality. I was a spectator of my own life. I was there, next to everyone, but no one has seen me.

How did that happen?

I let it catch me. I was running from it for a very long time. But I lost strenght. I lost a will to run. It caught me on my knees. Being not able to get up.

My emotions damaged me. I let them. I let them crash me. I let them take my breath away.

Too much hopes.  Too much faith. Too much expectation.

Positive smiley girl, who liked to make people laugh, died. She became mean, rude, sarcastic bitch.

I only know how to hurt people, push them away. I let my negative emotions take control over me.

I lost control. I lost myself.  I’m trapped in a deep hole without a way to get out.

I need to find this way.

I killed myself. Now I need to rise from the ashes.


Is it worth to live?

Few days ago I’ve read a story of a woman who dealt with horrible bad luck for almost all her life. She even thought about suicide. I started thinking is it worth to live?

There are a lot of suicides, because of many reasons. Losing a job, being bullied, husband/wife’s death. There are many reasons to think to end the life. But is it really worth to end it?

As a teenager I had suicide thoughts, because I fought with parents all the time and I couldn’t stand this anymore. Right now it doesn’t seem that important, but in that moment it felt as the worst thing. The only reason I’m still alive is that I was scared of pain.

I’m grateful I’m still alive. After years I realized nothing is worth dying. Even if I’m unhappy it doesn’t mean I’ll be for the rest of my life.

I experienced a lot of great things. I made my dreams of travelling to Egypt and Lebanon come true, I met great friends who make me happy, I experienced exciting things, which taught me a lot.

As they say, after the heaviest rain there is a beautiful rainbow. I do believe it. If you are unhappy don’t end your life, just end your misery. Good things won’t just come to you. You need to go for it.

You lost your job? Take it as opportunity to start a new life. You are bullied? Stand up for yourself and if things are bad tell someone.

I’m not really religious, but I believe that God gives life and only He has the right to take it away. If you go through difficult time in your life, ask someone you trust to help you. Don’t let devil win.

Life is beautiful. There are amazing things you didn’t experience yet, places you didn’t visit, people you didn’t meet. Don’t let all those things to miss you.

And most importantly, don’t let people who love you to suffer. Even though you think no one cares, there are people who do.