Back?

Wow… I can’t believe it has been 3 years since I last have been here. The time passes so fast when life is busy.

Since I last posted I finished college, fell in love and had my heart broken and moved from Warsaw to Glasgow, Scotland. I fell in love again and couldn’t be happier.

I missed writing here, oh boy how I missed it! I can’t believe it took me so long. My life changed and I changed but my love for writing never will.

I will definitely show up here more often.

I missed you all!

xoxo,

Ania– my real self

 

 

The power of forgiveness

While beginning to write this post I was watching an interview in the morning show with polish-greek singer Eleni. In 1994, almost 20 years ago, she lost her only 17 years old daughter Aphrodite who was murdered by her ex-boyfriend who couldn’t stand their break up.

I was only 4 years old then, but I heard about it when I was big enough to understand it. I think all Poland knows about it.

I was listening to Eleni and I was really impressed by her. Her strenght and serenity is something we should learn from her. I can’t imagine myself to continue my life after losing my only child in such tragic circumstances. I think my life would finish with death of my baby.

She forgave the murderer. She did something most of us can’t imagine to do. I don’t think I could ever forgive person who take away my most precious gift from God. She couldn’t accept the death of her daughter, yet she forgave the killer.

Her parents taught her that we can’t live with negative emotions, that we have to think positive. We can’t repay evil for evil. She says that now she feels peace in her heart and thus it’s easier for her to carry her pain for the rest of her life.

I admire her and people like this. She found strenght to forgive the killer. Someone who killed her daughter. Her faith in God is incredible. She did something what saints do. She forgave the biggest sin.

Many people in such situations live with pain and bitterness for the rest of their lives. They blame themselves and keep thinking how they could change things and save their loved one from such tragic death. They keep living  this day they lost their loved their husband, wife or child.

But there are people like Eleni who shows us the power of forgiveness. We can learn from such people and let God be our guide. Even though it’s hard for her to live and perform she keeps doing it. She knows her daughter is with her. In her heart.

xoxo

 

Love is odd

I’m not looking for love, but I happen to wonder what is love’s higher plan. Most of people I know or know of already have found someone they fell in love with. The longer I think about it the more I think I’ve never been in love.

It seems I was only fascinated by them. After we broke up or stopped talking after few days I was ok. I think I was only used to their presence and when they left I just needed to get used to not talking to them anymore.

It made me wonder about what love is planning for each of us. Why all of my friends already found their second half? Why most of people I know already have families? My best friend is already in stable relation, my high school friend recently got engaged and my ex best friend I wrote before on the blog already is married.

I had some boyfriends or crushes I had feelings for, but none of them made me feel like in heaven. There was always something missing between us. Some guys claim they like me a lot and would like me to be their girlfriend. I like some and I’m attracted to them, but I don’t have such deep feelings for any of them that I would like to spend the rest of my life with them.

Am I supposed to be single and ready to mingle forever? Am I too picky? Do I look for something impossible to get? Or maybe my prince charming isn’t ready for me yet?

I hope my second half is somewhere there and will be super duper the best and the hottest man I’ve ever met.

xoxo

Have you ever wondered why your life looks as it looks?

Since I was a kid I was thinking about why I am who I am, why I live where I live, why I look how I look, what is the reason of living. I still keep thinking about it once in a while. It really fascinates me.

I feel like my soul was trapped in wrong body. I have bigger dreams than everyone else around me, I want to look different than I look (I’m not talking here about losing weight), I’m a freak about symmetry while I’m not symmetric myself and I have totally different interests. Through my real life I’ve only met one person who shares my passion.

Sometimes I wonder how would my life look like if I was someone else. Would I be who I am now? Would I be this shy? Would I be more confident? More successful? I know nothing will really change, but I just like philosophical thinking.

I believe in soul traveling after death and that we reborn. My religion doesn’t believe in it, but I do. I believe we have already been living years or centuries before. I sometimes think I’ve been a bad person in my previous life and now I’m punished with this life I don’t belong to.

Philosophical thinking is a part of me. I don’t always control it and I sometimes realize I think about life and why life is as it is. I sometimes regret I didn’t choose different path of life and I didn’t study philosophy. But I guess I would have problems with finding a job.

Even if I’m trapped in wrong life I’ll do my best to have a life I’ve always wanted to have.

xoxo

Swimming in the ocean of bullshit

I believe that each and every human is original and special on their own ways, but unfortunately a lot of people is still close minded and anyone who doesn’t suit the community is called a freak.

It’s sad that many people are afraid to be themselves or try to be different than they used to be for all their life and they hide under the ‘community friendly’ mask.

I actually belong to people who are afraid. I’m ashamed or even terrified if I dress different than I normally do. I let myself for it in a small way only if I’m abroad. But then still I feel strange with people looking at me or my partner telling me compliments. I’m not used to this. I always think people will judge me by looking different than them.

I have a colorful soul and I’d like to wear only colorful clothes, but I’m just not used to shine in the gray croud. I’m also a big tattoo fan and even though right now I don’t have a tattoo, in future I’m planning few ones, some of them very big. I’m afraid people will judge me by it. If I have a tattoo I must be a drug addict or even a prostitute.

Unfortunately, Poles (especially elder ones) are very judgemental and many young people can’t let their creativity take a control. Those who are brave to do so are reviled and judged by externals not by their personality and heart.

I hope these will change and that I’ll get enough courage to be who I want to be.

xoxo

Why you should like Muslim people?

I all the time hear and read bad things about Muslim people and it slowly starts pissing me off. People who bark the loudest have never even met a Muslim in their life!

I’ve met a lot of them online and in real life and beside few exceptions (which happen in every nationality) I love them truly!

Everyone keeps saying about bad things so I decided to state some good things I like about them.

1. They respect women

Despite all stereotypes, most of Muslim I’ve met are very respectful and gentle. They don’t treat women as things just as diamonds.

2. They cherish family values

I envy them their relationship with family. They are close even with their grandmother’s brother’s wife’s cousin’s son. They celebrate important holidays with a bunch of people. We, as Western community, are lucky if we know our closest family connections.

3. They believe in the same things

They believe in the same God, the same values and they are humans just like us. The only difference is religion, which isn’t that much different from Christianity.

4. They are great friends

Most of my friends are Muslim. They are sweet and kind people, they care about others and they are really helpful.

——————————————————————————————–

These are my personal opinions based on many years of getting to know a lot of Muslim people. I judged them by their personality and behaviour not religion or country they were born in.

Of course I’ve also met assholes and idiots, but they happen everywhere not only in Arab countries. Bad people are everywhere.

People who talk bad about Muslims should look around their own neighbourhoud. How many women are killed by their husbands or boyfriends in Muslim countries and how many in America or Europe? How many people are killed in massive homicide by sociopath in America and how many in Middle East?

Before people judge other religions or nation they should look at their own first. I can’t believe some people are so prejudiced to humans who they don’t even know and all information about them they got in TV.

I hope it will finally soon, because everyday I want to scream to those idiots to finally shut up. They know nothing and they talk bullshits. I love Muslim people and I doubt I’ll ever stop.

xoxo

How to write a letter to ex best friend?

A lot of people stop by my blog by searching ‘a letter to my ex best friend’. Almost everyday someone finds my blog by it. So I decided to write my opinion about it. Maybe someone will find it helpful.

A while ago I wrote my own letter to ex best friend, even though she will never read it. It made me feel better. No matter if you are going to send your letter or not, writing it may help you to get rid of negative feelings.

My opinion on how to write it:

  • No matter if they are going to read it or not, try to keep it calm no matter how angry and hurted you are. Angry letter may only make you more angry.
  • Start your letter about telling them how you felt when they were your friends. Focus on good moments.
  • Explain what hurted you in their behaviour or what made you change your mind about your friendship.
  • Share your real feelings, even negative ones, but do it in calm way. Let it get out of you, not make you more mad.
  • Be nice and don’t blame. Only picture your point of view.
  • At the end of the letter tell them some nice words, like wishing them a good life and all the best. Don’t hold a grudge no matter what happened.

It took me over a year to write this letter. At the beginning I was angry, I was thinking very bad things about her and I only felt like insulting her.

But after so long time I calmed down and let my feelings become more reasonable. I still suffer, but her choice and her life. I can only accept her decision.

It’s not good to write a goodbye letter in angryness and when negative feelings have a control. Give it some time. A week, a monht or even a year if needed. Let your feelings calm down.

Life is too short to suffer about past, but I’m a supported of closing a chapter. I always say goodbye to my ex boyfriends no matter how much they hurted me or I hurted them and the same goes with friends. I try to finish it with good word, even if before I was angry and said a lot of bad things.

Finishing any kind of relation with angryness makes you feel bad. At least it makes me feel bad. When I finish relationship or friendship with a good word, wishing them a good life I feel better.

People come and go, but it’s only good to be a nice person and finish things in peace.

xoxo