Why I don’t have girlfriends?

A lot of people find it strange. How come a girl doesn’t have a bunch of best girlfriends? I have one female friend in real life and one online. That’s it.

It wasn’t always like that. I used to have girlfriends, both in real and online life. Until they proved they are lame and pathetic bitches. They were talking shits about me behind my back, they were slutting around with random guys forgetting about my existance, they found new girlfriends who were all ‘oh and ah my lovely girl’ and who were simply licking their asses.

Some of them told our common friends that we are not friends anymore, because I didn’t talk to them 24/7 or I didn’t play with them some stupid online game. Then I wondered how mind blinded I was back then to be friends with them?

For me friendship doesn’t mean talking 24/7 or running after them in some stupid game. There are people (men obviously) who I don’t speak to for weeks, months or even years, but it doesn’t mean we are not friends anymore or that I don’t care about them. We have our lives, our things and we just don’t see a need to talk all the time.

Since a while I stay away from girls. I don’t trust them, I don’t feel comfortable with them and I just don’t get on with them. I’ve always been better in talking to guys and getting on with them. All my best friends are men. I know them for years and they never betrayed me. If they don’t like me they don’t tell me how much they love me and then laugh at me to others, just like girls do.

Last time I’ve become friends with a girl it ended up in losing contact with her as she prefered her controlling bully boyfriend. Since that time I decided not to open myself to a girl again. I can be friends with them, but not any close ones.

Maybe someday I’ll meet a girl with who I’ll become BFFs and I honestly would like to, but I don’t have too much hopes for it after all my experience with female friends.


SLP#16: Strenght

I don’t know why I didn’t  mention it before. Since I was very young I was on my own. My parents have had my brother to take care of so I was relegated to the background.

I had no rules and no control so I was learning by myself what is good or what is bad and all the values I have now. It was hard for 12 years old. I was still a kid.

I’ve learnt to deal with all my problems alone and it stayed till now. I open myself to friends, but still I’m good in dealing with things by myself. It’s hard to even tell am I feeling good or bad.

Of course I have moments of weakness, but I think about problems, about fixing them and are they that bad to care about them so much. I analyze and in the end everything is good.

A lot of people say that it’s bad to hide all emotions inside, but it just works fine with me. The thing is that if I talk with friends about my problem, they usually tell me what I already know. I ask them for help when I really don’t know what to do and I’m lost in my feelings.

Of course I would like someone beside me, as friend, who will help me, but I’m good by myself and I’m strong so I know I’ll always handle things no matter what.


Forgive me

You think I’m different.

Honestly, I don’t know who I am.

I don’t know what I want and where I want to be.

My head is full of mess.

My thoughts are fighting over and over.

I’m not able to control it.

You saw something in me.

I still didn’t find it.

I don’t know if I will.

You mean something to me.

But I’m not who you want me to be.

Forgive me.


Movie evening

Today was my college day so obviously most of the day was boring and tiring. But I’ve got an A from History of Art classes so college wasn’t that bad in the end! After that my friend invited me to her place for dinner and movies so we have got some relax.

We have eaten a typical chicken with rice made in Arabic way. I don’t remember the name, but it started with the K.

First we have watched the newest movie ‘Safe’ with our favorite actor- Jason Statham. He is the best actor for us! And as man he is just….oh boy! (Quality of the picture is bad, because they were moving too fast!)

After so much blood and killing we have watched ‘The Dictator’. I expected it to be as lame as Borat, but it turned out to be a very good and funny movie! It was a nice end of the day.


My love is furry

Love. What’s love? For me love is bloundless, pure, sincere. I’ve got such love only from my cat Leo. May he rest in peace.

It may be funny for most of the people, but those who ever had a cat or other pet would agree with me that they can love their owners.

Leo was always waiting for me on Friday evening when I was coming home for the weekend, he was sleeping with me, cuddling with me on every possible moment, he always was where I was.

I’ve had a lot of cats since I was small. They were born, raised and they ran away. The only cats that ever stayed with me were Leo’s mom and female cat who was with me since I remember. Their kittens always ran away when they were big or my family gave them away behind my back.

But Leo stayed. He was the best cat. Sweet, calm, nice. He meant the love for me. He still does.


Thank you, coordination!

Have I ever mentioned that I hate winter? Yeah, probably I have. I don’t understand people who like winter. They probably never leave house to go to work or shopping that’s why they say it.

I walk a lot from flat to tramway stop, from tramway stop to mall, from mall to tramway stop and then again from tramway stop to the flat. It’s pure horror, I tell you!

Instead of walking you are skiing, you have to walk like a duck not to fall down. Women in heeled boots are my heros. I can’t imagine walking in it on such weather.

Ice and melted snow are making walking a dangerous adventure. I a lot of times almost fell on my ass which would probably cause broken bones. The closest to fall I was few weeks ago when I happilly managed to stop myself on ‘ski jumping’ position. For those who doesn’t know it, it looks similar to trying to sit on some low chair.

I don’t know how I manage not to fall this year, that’s why I want to thank very much my coordination for keeping me on my feet!