Each of us have a friend in our lives who is special for us and who we would like to have around for a very long time. Unfortunately, not all of our special friends feel the same towards us.
A while ago I wrote a post as a letter to my ex best friend which was a first case for me when fighting for friendship is useless. She chose a man who controlled all her life and forced her to stop being friends with me.
Yesterday, another special friend of mine proved me that fighting for friendship is hopeless.
I wasn’t the easiest person to deal with for a big part of last few years, but in last few months I’ve changed. I’m calmer, I think before I speak and I don’t explode that easy anymore.
But it doesn’t matter, because this friend of mine (as everyone else, I guess) will never see the change in me. He will only judge and see me by who I was not who I’m now.
For last few weeks or even months I’ve been trying so hard to show him I’m different now. I kept my mouth shut even if I was upset with something, I was chitty-chatty even though it doesn’t happen too much. I’ve been trying hard to ‘please’ him and put aside behaviour he didn’t like.
Everything was good until I showed that even though I’ve changed, I still have feelings and I can be sad or upset. And all I heard was a story which included my past behaviour which has nothing to do with present one.
Then I asked myself a question: Is it worth? Is it worth to fight alone for this friendship?
I’ve fought for few friendships, but since it was one side I gave up. But in this case it’s different. It isn’t some random friend. He is like a big brother for me, someone who I could count on when I needed, someone whose advices I always listened to.
But I’m tired to be the only one who is trying. I know I wasn’t the best friend most of the time, but I tried to make things right. But he doesn’t see it at all. I doubt he ever will.
Even though it hurts me so much, I think it’s time to let go….