I killed myself

Around a year ago I died.

My laugh ceased to be heard, my smile slowly left my face, my eyes stopped seeing world around, my ears didn’t hear words anymore…

I stopped breathing.

I was still there, but at the same time I wasn’t. I felt like in a parallel reality. I was a spectator of my own life. I was there, next to everyone, but no one has seen me.

How did that happen?

I let it catch me. I was running from it for a very long time. But I lost strenght. I lost a will to run. It caught me on my knees. Being not able to get up.

My emotions damaged me. I let them. I let them crash me. I let them take my breath away.

Too much hopes.  Too much faith. Too much expectation.

Positive smiley girl, who liked to make people laugh, died. She became mean, rude, sarcastic bitch.

I only know how to hurt people, push them away. I let my negative emotions take control over me.

I lost control. I lost myself.  I’m trapped in a deep hole without a way to get out.

I need to find this way.

I killed myself. Now I need to rise from the ashes.

xoxo

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13 thoughts on “I killed myself

          • You have been doing it really nicely with your self affirmation posts.

            Everybody has bad days, especially us girls. Our moods change & we have days when we feel really miserable.

            I promise it will not last. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. Tomorrow is a new day, and will be different.

            Eat healthily, rest well & look after you. That’s how. Do the right things and it will happen. Maybe not right now, but slowly it will work. You will get your energy back.

            xxx

          • I hope my bad days will become less and less until I keep having only good days. I think I’m on the good way for it. Thank you xoxo

          • they will. Just remember they don’t last forever, it’s just a day. When we are in them, they feel like they are forever.

            And keep sharing. The real you is in there screaming for help. When you speak, even if it is through your fingers on a keyboard, the real you is allowed out 🙂

            xx

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