SLP#3: Hope

Another thing I like about myself is hope. Towards myself and other people.

I know I’m not the most positive person in the world, nor I think positive all the time, but the thing that keeps me going is hope about future. Hope that I’ll be happy someday. I know I’ll be.

Towards other people I have too much hope. I mean, I always hope they show their best selves. I give them chances even though they waste each of them. But I still hope someday they will show their good sides.

As people say, hope dies last. I know it’s not always rewarding for me, but what to do? This is how I am and I’m proud of it. I’ll suffer, but I’ll keep hoping.

xoxo

What happens in sleepless nights?

  • Bed feels like bed of nails
  • Brain decides to remind  the most embarrassing moment
  • Thoughts revolve around the philosophy and the meaning of life
  • Every minute feels like an hour
  • Every sleeping position is checked and denied
  • Sheeps of the world have been counted
  • Few books are ready to be written
  • Big dreams are made
  • The sock drawer is organized
  • Outfits for everyday in the week are chosen
  • Porn on a laptop is arranged in order of importance

When you finally fall asleep, your alarm rings 5 minutes later.

xoxo

Feeling foreign

In September 2010 I made my dream come true and traveled to Egypt.

I didn’t see too much of  it. My days were full of lying on a beach and nights were spent in a club.

Even though, I was happy to be there. I felt comfortable and confident. I felt like it’s my place.

The only thing that made me feel strange was language.

I didn’t understand what people around me were talking about. I was spending time with my Egyptian friend and both of his Arabic friends. I couldn’t join the conversation, because I had no idea what they were talking about. Only sometimes they talked to me in English.

Because of this I felt foreign there.

xoxo

A dream

She opened her eyes. It was a lovely, sunny early morning. She felt gentle wind on her face coming through opened window. She enjoys this. She is in her dream place with a dream man.

She turns around. He is still sleeping. He looks like an angel. His breath is slow and calm. She gently caresses his face. She loves his stubble.  It’s soft and tickles her fingers. She could stare at him all day long.

Her touch woke him up. He holds her hand relaxing on his cheek and kisses it saying: ‘Good morning, my love’. Her heart dances whenever she hears him saying it.

He slowly strokes her face, hair, shoulder and pushes her closer to him. He keeps her in his arms so she can lie her head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat.

She loves his smell. He loves to touch her soft skin.

They lie down relaxed and happy. They enjoy the moment of their happiness.

She puts her head up to look at him. She loves to look into his hypnotizing brown eyes. He gives her smile in return. He puts a sweet kiss on her forehand and her nose. Then he slowly kisses her lips tasting every inch of it. He would give up everything for her lips.

She loves his kisses. Her world stops that moment and only he exists. She tries to move, but her lips are not letting her to stop this magic moment.

They could cuddle for hours. She loves to be hidden in his strong arms. He loves to protect her.

They are a perfect couple. That perfect that it’s hard to believe it can be true.

They love each other.

When he touches her hand which was caressing his chest, she feels warmth. Warmth of his love and care.

He tries to say something. Something she was waiting for. Something important.

She wakes up. Was it only a dream? She turns around and smile looking at her man. Yes, it was only a dream. But it’s also her reality.

xoxo

Saturday

I can’t say I liked this day. I woke up to snowing! I hate snow. Especially in October! And as I had to travel to the other side of city while there was snow storm I hate this day even more. I unfortunately had to, because we had 2 projects to make for college.

This view is nice only from the window.

I at least could wear my lovely red jacket from H&M!

Hot tea is always good in such days.

My feet were freezing so it was nice to wear my cute socks.

I’m still freezing as windows in my room are not leaky! Duh! I’m wondering how I’ll survive winter if I don’t find a way to clog it!

xoxo

My love

I met him in the moment when I was broken. He gave me happiness. Thanks to him  I felt loved and needed. We were only friends. I tried hard not to fall for this perfect creature…I failed.

I’ve loved him. With all my heart. Everyday more and more. I loved him that much that I don’t think it’s even possible to love like that. I’ve breathed his love.

We could talk for hours. I don’t even know what we were talking about. I only cared that I was able to look into his eyes and hear his voice.

When I told him that I love him I cried. I cried, because I knew he will never be mine.

But I let the love to follow me. Follow me for the best moments of my life. Pure love, pure happiness. All I needed was him.

He always knew when I’m sad. The same moment the smile left my face he called. I don’t know how he knew. He always did. His voice, his words took me to a different world. World where we belong together. Forever.

I’ve felt asleep and woken up thinking about him. He was the reason I opened my eyes everyday.

Slowly, love became a pain. Our bubble burst. I suffered everyday, but I needed him.

I knew we will never be together. He was raised in a different culture. I wasn’t for him. I wasn’t pure of his race.

For a long time I pretended everything will be ok. But I knew it’s a lie. Earlier happiness was replaced by tears.

He didn’t want to fight. I couldn’t fight alone.

I let go.

I left the love of my life.

After a while he started fighting, but it was too late.

I couldn’t fight anymore.

I was weakened by the pain.

We tried to be friends. It couldn’t work out.

We still loved each other.

All those talks we had, all those girls he was telling me about…

It was too much. Pain was unbearable.

Slowly he disappeared from my life.

I miss him, but I know it’s better like this.

I love him. I always will. He is the love of my life.

You will never read it, but I know you know. I know you know I love you. I know you love me too.

I wish you all the best and I hope you are or will be happy.

Goodbye my love.

xoxo

Don’t stop looking for your dream love

Many people settle for the love they have, because they are afraid they will stay alone. They agree for the life they have, because they don’t know the future.

I know that by my own experience. I stuck to relations, because I was afraid I’ll be alone. As everyone I want to share my life with someone, have a family and be happy. But sometimes we settle for safe life instead of happy life.

There are a lot of unhappy people getting divorced after many years of marriage. They realize in the end this is not what they dreamt about. They get courage to fight for their happiness late. Not too late, but late. They could do it much earlier.

Why people stick to what they have? Why they don’t have a courage and faith to fight for what they really want?

I think people are scared. We don’t know what future gives. We don’t know when we will find our dream love. Maybe it will be when we are 20, 30 or maybe even 60. Either way, it’s worth to wait.

I realized after relations I had that this is not what I want. I want crazy, passionate and real love. I don’t want to settle for something average. I believe every person will find their perfect match. Sooner or later it will happen.

Even though I’m rather a pessimist, I’m love optimist. I believe it will come to me. I just need to be patient. Everyone needs to be.

xoxo