I don’t know what I’ve done in the past life, but whatever mistake I make, it comes back to me even though I try to change my life for better. When it comes back, it destroys everything I’ve built.
When I was younger I made few bad decisions and trusted wrong people and now, when my inner peace started achieving a satisfying level, it all get damaged by my past.
Do I really need to pay for my mistakes all my life? I was young and unexperienced. I didn’t think about future consequences. Duh, who does? I’m trying to build my grown up life, achieve something in life and find my happiness, but it seems like I had no right for it. It seems like I was the only person in the world who doesn’t deserve a happy ending.
This feeling, this annoying and unpleasant feeling, is something I never wanted to feel again. My mind is all twisted, I want to cry almost every minute. I want it to go away. I have to start building my peace again. I hope it will be the last time I’ll have to do it.
I don’t want to pay for my mistakes, I don’t want to keep explaining people I grew up and I’m not the same person as before anymore. Why do people I once called friends can’t accept the fact I’ve changed? Does this world have only selfish people who don’t care about other people’s feelings?
I grew up, they didn’t, is it my fault? No. They can’t rule my life anymore. I’ll deal with any consequences it takes by saying ‘NO’. I’ll finally rule my own life. I won’t pay for my mistakes. Past is past. If someone judges me by it, I’ll know this is not the person who should be in my life.
I’ll get my peace again. I won’t let anyone to destroy it again. Never.